I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Randomize
