we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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