she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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