I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
