Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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