bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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