I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
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Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
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I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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