I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
