Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
