So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
