Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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