I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
