worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
