lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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