i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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