Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
