Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
50% drunk capacity currently
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
