everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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