It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Naked. naked and bneed help.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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