The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
