Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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