She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
