Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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