If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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