Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
