if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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