if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So vagazzling was a success
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
