Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Someone came in the potted fern
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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