that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
