Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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