the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
