You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
