I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
