Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
