when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
