I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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