covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
