I need help removing her.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
