Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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