Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
