nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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