she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
