I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
