One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
