Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.