he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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