i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
