I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
