im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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