She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
