please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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