I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Couch. On fire.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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