I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
