where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
