You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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