At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
