i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
