He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
