Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
