so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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