i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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