2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
