So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
