Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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