i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
