hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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