my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
