was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
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the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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