Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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