I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
