You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
