All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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