Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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