overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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