Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
