i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
