do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
