He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just google imaged poop.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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