So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
im holly from the hills drunk
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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