I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize